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A parish of the Antiochian Archdiocese
A Guide to Church Etiquette
How to Show Proper Respect and Reverence in Church
 The Holy Orthodox Church is perhaps one of the last social
institutions where dignity, protocol, respect, and reverence are
maintained. This is primarily because when we come to the
church and its services we are entering the Kingdom of God
on earth, His habitation, and we choose to honor this sacred
place by our attentiveness to what is proper and ordered. We
have the opportunity to reflect the image of Christ within us by
our actions. “You are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a
holy nation” (1 Peter 2:9).
This guide is meant for personal reflection, not as a means of
judging others. Keep in mind that there are different traditions
even among the Orthodox faithful. We come to church to pray
and worship God above all else, and that should be our only
focus.
Some Things You Should Know While in Church
by Father David Barr
Originally published in The Word, the publication of the
Antiochian Orthodox Christian Archdiocese, January 1997, pp. 4-7
The traditional posture for prayer and worship in the
Orthodox Church has been to stand. In the Orthodox "old countries," there
are usually no pews in the churches. Chairs or benches on the side walls
are usually reserved for the elderly and infirm.
When should you definitely stand? Always during the Gospel
reading, the Little and Great Entrances, the
Anaphora,
the distribution of Holy Communion, whenever the priest gives a blessing,
and the Dismissal. When in doubt, stand. It is NEVER wrong to stand in
church.
Lighting candles is an important part of Orthodox worship.
We light them as we pray, making an offering to accompany our prayers.
Orthodox typically light candles when coming into the church -- and that
is usually the best time to light them, but there are times when candles
should not be lit. It is not proper to light candles during the Epistle
or Gospel readings, during the Little or Great Entrances, during the
Anaphora,
and during the sermon.
The time to arrive at church is before the service starts,
but for some unknown reason, it has become the custom -- or rather the
bad habit -- for some to come to church late. If you arrive after the
Divine Liturgy begins, try to enter the church quietly -- and observe
what is happening. If the Epistle or Gospel is being read or the Little
or Great Entrance is taking place, wait until it is finished to quickly
find a seat. If the priest is giving the sermon, stay in the back until
he has concluded. Try not to interrupt the Liturgy with your entrance.
By the way, the best way to avoid this problem is to arrive on time --
then you don't have to wonder if it's okay to come in or not. People
who come late to the Liturgy should not partake of the Eucharist!
In some Orthodox cultures, crossing one's legs is taboo
and considered to be very disrespectful. In our North American culture,
while there are no real taboos concerning crossing one's legs [outside
of church], we tend to cross our legs to get comfortable while sitting.
Should we cross our legs in church? No. Not because it is "wrong" to
ever cross legs, but rather because it is too casual -- and too relaxed
-- for being in church. Just think about it, when you get settled in
your favorite chair at home, you lean back, cross your legs, and then
your mind can wander anywhere it wants to. Remember that sitting in church
is a concession, not the normative way of prayer. You surely don't want
to get too relaxed and let your mind wander off too much. In fact, when
you do sit in church, you should sit attentively -- and not too comfortably.
When sitting in church, keep those feet on the floor, ready to stand
at attention (which is what "Let us attend" means). Cross yourself with
your fingers and hand -- but don't cross your legs!
Leaving church before the Dismissal -- besides being rude
-- deprives us of a blessing. Worship has a beginning ("Blessed is the
Kingdom...") and an end ("Let us depart in peace..."). To leave immediately
after Communion is to treat church like a fast food restaurant where
we come and go as we please. We live in a fast-paced world where we seem
to be hurrying from place to place. But in God's presence, we need to
make every attempt to fight this pressure to move on to the next thing
on the day's agenda. We deprive ourselves of blessings by not being still
and participating in God's holiness. Eat and run at McDonald's -- but
stay in church and thank God for his precious gifts. [Some hierarchs
have compared leaving church before the dismissal to Judas leaving the
Mystical Supper early.]
When you enter the church, it is traditional to venerate
the icons. Usually there are icons at the entrance to the church and
many churches have icon stands in the front as well. When venerating
(kissing) an icon, pay attention to where you kiss. It is not proper
to kiss an icon in the face. You wouldn't go up and kiss the Lord or
His mother on the lips, would you? You would kiss their hand, and only
if they invited you would you even dare to kiss them on the cheek. Pay
attention to what you are doing. When you approach an icon to venerate
it, kiss the gospel, scroll, or hand cross in the hand of the person
in the icon, or kiss the hand or foot of the person depicted. As you
venerate an icon, show proper respect to the person depicted in the icon
-- the same respect you would show the person by venerating him or her
in an appropriate place. [We need to ask that women refrain from wearing
lipstick in church. Icons, crosses, the communion spoon, and the hand
of the priest when we receive a blessing, are no place for this substance.
It has been noted that lipstick on the Communion spoon will create a
greasy residue on the chalice, which will be most difficult for the priest
to contend with! God views your internal beauty, not the external.]
Isn't it great to come to church and see friends and family
members? But wait until coffee hour to say "Hi" to them. It just isn't
appropriate to greet people and have a conversation with them during
the services. Besides being disrespectful towards God, it is rude towards
the other people in the church who are trying to worship. Talk to God
while in church through your prayers, hymns, and thanksgiving, and to
your friends in the hall afterwards.
Did you know that the proper way to greet a priest or
bishop is to ask his blessing and kiss his right hand? How do you do
this? Approach the priest or bishop with your right hand over your left
hand and say, "Father (or "Master" in the case of the bishop), bless."
He will make the sign of the cross, and place his right hand over yours.
This is much more appropriate (and traditional) than shaking their hands.
After all, the priest and bishop are not just "one of the boys." When
you kiss their hands, you show respect for their office -- they are the
ones who "bless and sanctify" you and who offer the holy gifts on your
behalf. So next time you greet your priest or bishop, don't shake his
hand, ask for his blessing.
Remember the time when people put on their "Sunday Best"
to go to church? In fact, dress clothes were often referred to as Sunday
clothes. In some parts of the country, this is not common today. In fact,
all too often, dress in church has become too casual. In all areas of
our lives, we should offer Christ our best. And the same is true of our
dress. We should offer Christ our "Sunday best," not our everyday or
common wear. And we should dress modestly, not in a flashy way that would
bring attention to ourselves. Our dress should always be becoming of
a Christian -- especially at church. Here are some specific guidelines
we use in our parishes:
Children: Only young children (under 10) should
wear shorts to church -- and then only dress shorts. Athletic shorts,
cut-offs, and spandex shorts are never appropriate church wear (for
children or adults!). Shoes or sandals should be clean and tied. No
one should wear T-shirts with any kind of writing on them ("This Bud's
for You!" is definitely out).
Women: Dresses should be modest. No tank tops
or dresses with only straps at the shoulders, no short skirts (mini-skirts),
and no skin-tight dresses. Dresses should have backs and not be cut
low in the front. Shorts of any type are not appropriate for church.
[Women should not wear pants to church.]
Men: Men should also dress modestly. While coat
and tie are not mandatory, shirts should have collars and be buttoned
to the collar (the actual collar button may be left undone, but two
or three buttons undone is inappropriate). Slacks should be cleaned
and pressed. Jeans (of any color) are usually too casual for church,
especially ones with patches or holes. Again, shorts are not appropriate
church wear. If you're going somewhere after church where you need
to dress casually, bring a change of clothing with you and change after
coffee hour. After all, you don't go to be seen by everyone else --
you go to meet and worship God.
Anyone who has looked around on a Sunday morning will
notice that different people cross themselves at different times (and
sometimes in different ways). To a certain extent, when to cross oneself
is according to personal piety and not an issue of dogma. But there are
times when it is specifically proper to cross yourself, and times when
you should not. Here is a brief list of when to cross and when not to
cross:
To Cross: When you hear
one of the variations of the phrase, "Father, Son, and Holy Spirit;"
at the beginning and end of the liturgical service or your private prayers;
entering or exiting the church, or when passing in front of the Holy
Altar; before venerating an icon, the cross or Gospel book.
Not to Cross: At the chalice
before or after taking Communion (you might hit the chalice with your
hand); when the priest or bishop blesses saying, "Peace be to all" (blow
slightly and receive the blessing); when receiving a blessing from a
bishop or a priest (kissing the right hand of the bishop or priest is
appropriate, but no making the sign of the cross).
Many people like to touch the
hem of Father’s
phelonion as he goes through the congregation for the Great Entrance. This is a nice, pious custom by which you
“attach” your personal
prayers to the prayer of the entrance with the holy gifts. At the same
time, you need to
be careful neither to grab too hard and trip up the Great Entrance,
nor to push people out
of the way. And be sure to help your children so that they observe
these guidelines as well.
You can always tell where young children have been sitting
in the church. The telltale signs are graham cracker crumbs, Cheerios,
and animal crackers. Parents often bring snacks and a cup of fruit juice
along for children during church. [If the children must eat during the
service for some reason, please take them outside and return when they
are through.] By the time children are 3-4 years old, they should be
able to make it through Liturgy without eating anything, and by the time
they reach seven (the age of their first confession), they should begin
fasting on Sunday morning for Communion. For those children who get snacks,
please don't feed them in church, and certainly not while in the line
for Holy Communion (this applies to holy bread as well). They need to
come to Communion without food in their mouths. Chewing gum during Liturgy
is a No-No for everyone!
After taking Holy Communion and at the end of the liturgy,
it is traditional to eat a piece of holy bread or
antidoron -- the bread
that was left over after Holy Communion was prepared. While antidoron
is not Holy Communion, it is blessed bread and as such, should be eaten
carefully so that crumbs don't fall all over the place. After taking
Communion or kissing the cross at the end of the Divine Liturgy, take
one piece of antidoron (you don't need four or five pieces) and when
you return to your seat or get to a place where you can stop for a moment,
eat the bread trying not to drop crumbs. If you want to give a piece
to someone else, go ahead and take an extra piece -- don't break yours
in half (it produces too many crumbs). And monitor your children as they
take the antidoron, and teach them to eat it respectfully.
North American society in the late 20th century is rather
casual in its approach to life. Don't allow this prevailing attitude
to enter into your Orthodox Christian piety. There are surely a lot of
other areas that could be covered here. Much of church etiquette is based
on common sense and showing respect for God and others. Always remember
that you are in church to worship God, the Holy Trinity. The priest says,
"With the fear of God and faith and love, draw near." Let this be the
way you approach all of worship. If you do, you will probably have good
church etiquette.
Call or
write to the Priest John or Deacon Vladimir.
We would be delighted to answer any questions you might have about
Orthodoxy, the Orthodox Christian Faith, and the Holy Orthodox
Church. Please Come and See for your self! As always, our
doors and hearts are open to all.
Copyright © [St. Nicholas Antiochian Orthodox Christian
Church]
All rights reserved.
Revised:
July 08, 2010
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